So this weekend my Ex wanted to take our girls to her mother’s house during my usual time with them. I usually agree but was looking forward to having them. Then she tells me that my youngest wanted to stay with me and my oldest didn’t. I was instantly confused and I focused on why my oldest didn’t want to stay during our time. I even asked her and she said she wanted to see her grandparents. I was hurt and puzzled. Feeling rejected but decided I would get over it. The part I was forgetting was how few times I get to spend with my youngest. My oldest overshadows her so much. My oldest talks louder and is always asking for what she wants. It takes a lot of time to deal with her but in a way it is satisfying to be needed. My youngest is very much like me as a child. Happy with an art project or a DVD and will play alone for long periods of time.
So as I am going through my day with her I see more and more of her cuteness. We get along so well and I rarely get frustrated. She even leaves me enough time to do a few house chores. Suddenly I am very satisfied.
By focusing on what I wasn’t getting, a deep seated need to be accepted and loved by all, I was ignoring my own needs. Those of peacefulness. By spending more time with the daughter that mirrors my mood I am able to address what I was losing as an adult. And that was the ability to just enjoy myself. Really get into my own things and not worry about constantly pleasing my older child.
By really being true to my natural tendencies I am more joyful and can serve my children both as a loving example and with level headed ease. And they need that much more than a father that keeps them entertained.
Thank you to my little one. For reminding me of the wonderful gift you are for me.