I had an old friend message me about a blog I did last week. She was ripping into me, saying how could I tell people to talk and make friends and, at the same time, mention that I was feeling lonely and friendless? On top of that, she was saying that I was a hypocrite because I had mentioned that she and I should talk more, but then, when she called me once for support, I blew her off.
It’s a tough call. I have been without many friends as of late. Many of my close friends know that I have been going through a lot of emotional pain, and I have been trying to get my life in order. Is it true that I was being unsupportive of her in her time of need? Not really. She was encouraging me to get back into our old relationship in which we would pick on others, discuss problems, and generally make jokes until we both felt better. I’m not into that anymore. I don’t want to spend my time sweeping my problems under the rug and then complaining about them.
I’m more of a “take action” person now. I talk about my pain, I talk about what I want, and I take care of it so that it’s not so much a black cloud hanging over me as a boulder that I am pushing out of the way. And many of the problem I had 1 year ago I have taken care of – whether they were emotional blocks, fears, or real business I needed to handle.
By taking a hands-on approach to my fears and emotion, I feel more accomplished, and I don’t think talking about how I still get lonely is hypocritical. She had mentioned to me that I was not the same guy and that my positive spin on her problems weren’t as fun as before.
I will say that I am sorry if I wasn’t supportive, but I’m not going to apologize for changing and trying to be a better person. I am going out when I can. I am making some connections, but making friends in your 30s isn’t as easy as it use to be. So I was using my blog to express that frustration.
But the point I’d like to get to, aside from myself, is that so many people can be hypocritical. I see it all the time. I find it strange that Catholic priests are to remain celibate when they are promoting marriage and encouraging people to have children. These men do not know the struggles of a marriage and raising children. Then, of course, they have a part in deciding who should and should not be married without ever having to take the risk themselves.
It rings of: “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” I can’t tell people how to have friends or reach out to them, if I am sitting on my couch doing nothing. But I go to social groups, I talk to people at work, and I call up old friends. But I still feel like I need more connections.
So maybe I need to take a good look in the mirror and ask myself, what would make me the most happy? And I think it is just being heard – being listened to and having someone respond. And, with each day, I try and make a new connection: I am connecting to myself and the part of me that feels ignored. And when I get to that point when I can stand alone, then maybe I’ll be stronger, and maybe I won’t feel alone at all. I’ll just be free to be myself and not worry about others calling me a names that they should really keep to themselves.
So before you think about giving advice, take a look and see if you need to be following your own advice. And if you do, then work on that first, and ask for help. I know I have, and it has made all the difference.