Accepting love

When I met my present girlfriend I was wrapping up a divorce that had not ended in hate but rather a lack of love. My Ex told me there was “No more passion in our relationship”.

While it was heartbreaking to hear her say I understood completely. We were not loving each other the way that two people should and we were suffering as a result. Also we were setting a horrible example for our kids by providing a home without the foundation of love.

I came from a home of reserved feelings. We didn’t talk too much about love or show too much affection. And many times there was anger in the home.

So when my girlfriend was just pouring affection onto me I became resistant. I thought it was just a show she was putting on for herself. My Ex use to call us soul mates and dump affection on me very early in our relationship. But I knew it came out of fear of abandonment and a desire for security rather than real love.

So just in how my girlfriend’s love was a natural tendency for her, mine was a tendency to question. So as my new relationship continued and her love never dwindled, I went to her and expressed my fear that her love came from a less than genuine place. But it was just my own denial. The fact that I didn’t love myself enough, prevented me from seeing her love as real. And she expressed that she could love me anyway she pleased and that it was from her joy and the joy of having me in her life and that I needed to let go of the resistance.

As soon as I did the flood gates opened. Not only did I cry tears for all the pain I was letting go. I also expressed real joy. I really embraced the feeling of being loved and I was overcome by my own acceptance of the things that were true. I could no longer deny her love and I was able to return it in equal measure. By looking myself in the mirror and asking the questions: “Why would I resist love, why would I question love, what would happen if I let love into my life?” And suddenly, I was no longer able to deny it. And when I quit fighting love wins.

Ultimately, we need to love ourselves. As we see that we are worthy of being loved and when we begin to love ourselves it becomes so easy to accept love and then we actually begin to produce love.

I’m so glad that I laid down my defenses and allowed love into my heart and into my everyday life. The result has been life changing.

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About boywithoutlegs

I am the author of the boy without legs website. I was born without legs and have used the experience to write children's poetry. I would love for anyone to read and be inspired and if you are interested in publishing my poetry please contact me.
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2 Responses to Accepting love

  1. ivorjcw says:

    Yes, Paco, I have struggled for over 60 years with the concept of loving myself. I have always found it easy to reach our in friendship, in care and in love (non-sexually) to others. But love myself? Urrhhh .. I am not loveable, I tell myself and highlight all my many faults YET AGAIN.

    But Jesus told us (I know you are not a Christian) that we are to love the Lord Our God with all our heart, soul and mind – this is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like unto it: to love our neighbours as ourselves .. Hard going that last part .. but in the lasy year or so I have grwon to accept the person I really am and to love me too.

    Probably you think this is weird

    • Try this. Do not to love yourself as you might love another person but love yourself as God loves you. We are all created in his image and our experience on this earth brings us closer to him, closer to ourselves and closer to our true purpose which is to have the human experience for God through love. As you no longer see yourself as just some flawed person but rather as a one of God many creations you see that every imperfection is a chance for you to grow and accept yourself. And when you see yourself the way God see you then you are free of personal criticism and you can love everything about you just as he does.

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