When I met my present girlfriend I was wrapping up a divorce that had not ended in hate but rather a lack of love. My Ex told me there was “No more passion in our relationship”.
While it was heartbreaking to hear her say I understood completely. We were not loving each other the way that two people should and we were suffering as a result. Also we were setting a horrible example for our kids by providing a home without the foundation of love.
I came from a home of reserved feelings. We didn’t talk too much about love or show too much affection. And many times there was anger in the home.
So when my girlfriend was just pouring affection onto me I became resistant. I thought it was just a show she was putting on for herself. My Ex use to call us soul mates and dump affection on me very early in our relationship. But I knew it came out of fear of abandonment and a desire for security rather than real love.
So just in how my girlfriend’s love was a natural tendency for her, mine was a tendency to question. So as my new relationship continued and her love never dwindled, I went to her and expressed my fear that her love came from a less than genuine place. But it was just my own denial. The fact that I didn’t love myself enough, prevented me from seeing her love as real. And she expressed that she could love me anyway she pleased and that it was from her joy and the joy of having me in her life and that I needed to let go of the resistance.
As soon as I did the flood gates opened. Not only did I cry tears for all the pain I was letting go. I also expressed real joy. I really embraced the feeling of being loved and I was overcome by my own acceptance of the things that were true. I could no longer deny her love and I was able to return it in equal measure. By looking myself in the mirror and asking the questions: “Why would I resist love, why would I question love, what would happen if I let love into my life?” And suddenly, I was no longer able to deny it. And when I quit fighting love wins.
Ultimately, we need to love ourselves. As we see that we are worthy of being loved and when we begin to love ourselves it becomes so easy to accept love and then we actually begin to produce love.
I’m so glad that I laid down my defenses and allowed love into my heart and into my everyday life. The result has been life changing.