We can tell our children anything we want. Its an old style of teaching called do as I say or because I said so. But are we discrediting them for not instead teaching by example? Instead of asking your child to calm down. Instead approach them in a calm manner and show them that an honest discussion will result in quicker solutions. Your job as parent is to guide you child into becoming an adult. You can do this by sharing stories from your life an tell them how a choice you made work for the better or worse. This still allows them free will and it helps them think for themselves. Attempts to tell them the way it is or control them will always backfire but showing them usually work out. If you live a balanced life of loving yourselves, your children and being a role model as a working person or in your community you will have a fulfilled life and you children will be amazed by your joy. They will seek out the secret to your happiness. Being yourself and focusing on your own issue will also be a great exercise for yourself and lead to a better relationship with you and with your children.