How Am I Not Myself

I [Heart]Huckabee circles around people who don’t know who they are and the ultimate question becomes “How Am I Not Myself?” My answer is when you are pretending to be happy when you are not.

The movie is a bit dark but if anyone who has had a rough life its very understandable and relatable. I felt like a door was opened by this movie. I saw unhappy things I had been hiding in my own life and I really think this films brought out a lot of truth.

Albert has serious issues of doubt and self loathing that rule his life and the way he communicates. His parents thought him to not feel and bottle up his thoughts. He can only express personal issues through poems or his journal. As an adult he muttering swear words to himself and realizes his anger by having seriously violent and vulgar fantasies. He was “he was an ornament to [his parents] not a person” “orphaned by [their] indifference.”

His parents have forced Albert into a state of total denial for his actions and his being. That’s where the detectives come in. They show him his relevance. And though he found them by coincidence, they show him that everything is still tied together.

Holding in all his emotions was really just him ignoring his being. All of this comes to be clear with the statement, “How I am not myself”. His lying is his own protection from hurt. Again when they are hitting themselves with the ball (pure being) they are learning to not think or feel. Its often the same case with drug addicts or cutters. They are learning there is a pain far less than emotional pain. They can substitute this pure being and then they become addicted to this numb state of existence. That is why they can not live like this, total denial of pain is just another form of suffering called, not feeling. And when you no longer feel how do you even know your alive, often people pinch themselves in movies, because pain is the ultimate acknowledgment of life on earth.

As for (Naomi Watts), she says some crazy stuff I totally didn’t get. But she also does express that she can’t maintain the world’s standard of beauty and that’s a part of her lie. (Judd Law) also lies about everything he is. And tells stories to distract from his own problems of inadequacy. They both crave attention due to their own lack of self.

Albert eventually ties everything together by hurting (Jude Law). When he is found crying he was at his lowest point, Zero if you will. As a side reference: Fight Club mentions getting back to zero will make everyone even again. This is the point where they were even, they were now the same. Its about humbling yourself, riding of possessions and pride so that its just you and me. Then we are even, then we are happy. The concept of this movie isn’t so scientific as much as its un-American. We don’t think as a social collective (see Eastern Cultures). Just the mention of which (dinner with the family) was blown out of proportion. Socialism wasn’t some evil thing, its a type of government, its contrary to Capitalism.

Albert can’t live in a world where the greed of (Jude Law) and Huckabees take and do not share. His altruistic giving of himself for the marsh is just another example of how we are all tied together in “the blanket.” Shania Twain says, if we give up the trees we change the climate of the marsh that will kill the frogs etc all leading to our own destruction. Creation destruction, that is the cycle of life. We must have both or we have urban sprawl and pointless repetitive lives. Its in destruction we clear the path for something new.

“How Am I Not Myself?” One answer, is when you are pretending to be happy when you are not. Or is it when we are everyone and everything. You are not alone if you are everyone. You don’t suffer if we all suffer: “nothings ok so its ok”. Everyone is everything and we can’t do anything with out effecting everything else. I think that is the emotional basis of the movie.


About boywithoutlegs

I am the author of the boy without legs website. I was born without legs and have used the experience to write children's poetry. I would love for anyone to read and be inspired and if you are interested in publishing my poetry please contact me.
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